Yesterday was my little man’s first day of school!!! With me working and commuting such a distance, I don’t normally get the joy of drop off/pickup duty so I took off of work of course. During pickup time, all the children were allowed to pick out a coloring book to be used during lunch time….if they finish their food early of course. There were mostly girl options, a few gender neutral and of course sports for I guess to be geared towards the boys. By the time it was the little man’s turn, there were not many options left so he picked out the Doc McStuffins. My first reaction was to say that is for girls, but I caught myself as I looked at the sports coloring book at the end of the table. Instead I asked, “Are you sure you want Doc McStuffins?” and he replied, “Yes”. I just nodded and started asking him questions about his day as his teacher labeled his coloring book with his name.
Now I am a very open minded person. I am pro gender equality; support whether you consider yourself to be straight, gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered. My first reaction to his selection was out of my natural instinct to protect him. I don’t want anyone to make fun of him because he selected a “girly” coloring book. But more importantly I want him to be ok with his choices and be himself so I caught myself before I spoke. During our car ride home, I decided to ask him why he selected the Doc McStuffins coloring book and our conversation went a little something like this:
Me: So why did you pick out the Doc McStuffins coloring book?
Little Man: Because I like her.
Me: Why do you like her?
Little Man: Because she fixes all of the toys… boy toys and girl toys.
Me: That is really cool…I like her too. Did you see the football coloring book?
Little Man: No
Me: Oh Ok
And that was the end of that conversation. So what if my son likes Doc McStuffins!!!! He also likes watching Care Bears and Bratz because his older sister watches those shows. When he is in control of the remote, he watches Power Rangers, Spiderman, Ninja Turtles and any other popular “boy” cartoon that comes on. He plays in the dirt and throws rocks even when I tell him not to. He loves soccer and basketball. So no I am not worried about my son’s sexual orientation just because of the type of coloring book he selected. What will be will be and as his mother I will love and support him no matter what.
For the past two weeks I have noticed the big debate on social media regarding Father’s Day. Should single mothers be recognized on Father’s Day as well? Unfortunately most single mothers are filling the void of their child(ren) having a dead beat as a dad. Leave it to big business to capitalize on this trending topic. I mean you can even find cards recognizing mothers on Father’s Day.
As a single mother I personally do not want to be recognized on Father’s Day. No one will ever be able to take my place in my son’s life and the same goes for that of a FATHER. Let the FATHERS have their day because I am a MOTHER and there is no comparison. There are plenty of amazing FATHERS doing what they should so why should their day be diminished. No one bashes dead beat moms on Mother’s Day so why should Father’s Day be any different.
There are going to be people that don’t like this post but I am ok with that. Just because someone takes part in creating a child does not make them a MOTHER nor does it make them a FATHER. Plenty of people step up to the plate of being a parent, whether it is through adoption, marriage or some other facet.
I am not a FATHER so no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to teach my son how to be a man, but I sure can teach him how to be a gentleman and treat women with respect. He is almost five and he knows ladies should go first, he tries to hold the door open for me LOL, and God forbid a man the slightest bit creepy comes near me and he is already giving the evil eye. My brothers and future husband can teach him what I can’t.
So yes I am ok with being a REAL MOTHER so let REAL FATHERS also be recognized.
Going into 2015 I feel absolutely happy, accomplished, beautiful and worthy of all the things I want out of life. So yes, I am going to be selfish and declare 2015 as the year of ME. I will stop neglecting myself. I will stop making excuses as to why I can’t do something. I will start living my life. I will continue to work hard because I am finally starting to see goals I set years ago become reality.
As mothers we get so caught up in taking care of others we often forget to take care of ourselves. You cannot take care of others if you do not first take care of yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. It’s like being on an airplane and they tell you in case of an emergency you must put your face mask on first before trying to help others. You can’t help your child breathe if you can’t breathe yourself.
I am Just His Mommy so every goal I set, even if it seems selfish, has a greater purpose. So let’s recap the goals I set in 2014 and how far I got:
- Build my emergency fund back up to $3,000- This was achieved successfully with some ups and downs of course. Not bad for starting off with $700.
- Buy a car in straight cash without taking out a loan- I did get a new car but not in straight cash. The Iron Pimp kept taking all of my money so I had no other choice but to break down and get a new one. I was able to have a $2,000 down payment since I was already saving.
- Start teaching the little one the value of money- We cashed in all of the change I had been collecting since his birth and opened up a kids account at a local credit union. They gave him a red piggy bank for him to start saving and this is where he “saves” his money for when we take our trip to Lego Land. He normally comes with me when I do events for Happily Naturally Me and I pay him a dollar. I always give him the option to spend or save his dollar; only once so far has he decided to spend it.
- Last but not least my big financial goal of 2014 was to save $10,000 for a down payment on a home- Long story short, I still have a long way to go.
With that being said, here is what I plan on accomplishing in 2015:
- Buy that three bedroom house with the backyard- This will be my starter home with space for a home office. In 2014 I launched my own startup called Happily Naturally Me. It is a natural skincare line that specializes in all natural handmade products.
- Pay off one of my student loans- I call it my journey to divorcing Sallie Mae.
- Go on vacation- The little one and I have been talking about going to Lego Land in Orlando, FL so I intend on making that happen. I just found out that the Lego Land hotel doesn’t open till mid-year so hopefully in the fall. Stay tuned for my review.
- Have an awesome birthday- I may not look it, but I will be the big 30 in 2015 so I plan on celebrating.
- Continue working on past goals I have yet to accomplish.
What are your goals for 2015?
“It’s the most unhappy people who most fear change.”Mignon McLaughlin
I have been gone for a minute; mainly because of all the changes going on in my life. I had to readjust everything and now I am finally getting back into the groove of things. For a long time I had been complacent and not REALLY enjoying life; time and time again we are constantly reminded that we are not promised tomorrow or even another second so you better be overall happy with the life you are living. It took me a long time to realize I was just going through the motions of this thing called life and this was not the vision I had for myself by any means. I kept lying to myself that I was still this upbeat motivated full of life person that I once was, but really I wasn’t. Those that were close to me could see it, but I just couldn’t accept the fact that I was losing the things that made me who I was and I take full responsibility for that.
Towards the end of 2013 I had a major wakeup call. All of the little fires finally turned into a raging inferno that I let get out of control. The bottom line, I accepted the things that I could not change, but the problem was I just brushed aside the things I was capable of changing instead of dealing with them. I was afraid and I let the fear of change, challenge, and the unknown stop me from truly being happy. If you read back to my Are You Making Yourself Unhappy? post, this was me lying to myself and I realize that now. Don’t get me wrong, the things that I wrote about were true in a sense and I am very thankful for those things in my life, but I still owe it to myself to strive for more and not settle.
So in an effort of my pursuit for happiness these are the changes that I am making or have already made:
- I stopped relying on the actions of others to make me happy: I am the captain of my own destiny and so are you. Like most relationship, my son’s father and I started off great and I thought we were partners, but it turned out we really weren’t. His goals were my goals and the problem was just that… They were MY GOALS. I relied on him to help me get there because I thought we were a team, but in reality we were on two different paths holding each other back. Maybe one day we will be on the same path, but right now we are going our separate ways.
- I stopped focusing on the things I didn’t have and started focusing on how to get the things I wanted: All I could think about is why I wasn’t married yet, why I didn’t have a house yet, why we never went on an actual vacation and so much more. Oh and of course I wanted more children, but wanted to be married first. I saw my friends getting the things that I wanted, but didn’t have yet. This just made me even more unhappy. So with my wakeup call, I decided to take action and at least work on getting that house. Since I wasn’t sure of the state of my relationship I didn’t want to sign another lease with him and I was tired of renting so I made the decision to move back in with my parents to save for the house I want and no he did not move in with me. He tried to convince me to get another place with him and thank goodness I followed my head and not my heart because he has yet to grow into the responsible adult he should be by now. Also I have decided to launch a natural skin and hair care line which I am very passionate about. Happily Naturally Me has been doing great so far and I hope to expand the product line by the end of the year.
- Actually started playing the cards that life has dealt instead of just folding: There are things that will happen to you in life that are completely out of your control and you will ask yourself, “WHY ME.” Just know that you can other accept the turmoil’s that life brings or you can be a problem solver and do something about it.
- Being more positive: All I can say is the Law of Attraction……what you think most about is what you will draw into your life.
So with that being said I can already tell a difference in the way I feel. I now feel more at peace and excited about getting out and taking on new experiences. I’m making progress as Just His Mommy and I will no longer allow the fear of change get in my way of true happiness.
Right now I am not a breastfeeding mom, but I was at some point. I am pro breastfeeding and I know it can sometimes be hard if you don’t have a support system. During my breast pumping days, I worked at a small marketing company that was very family friendly so I had no issues with being given time to pump and a private place to do it.
I know not every breastfeeding mom has such a supportive work environment and it sucks. My coworker pumping her breast milk in the bathroom is an entire different issue. I now work at a large company with about 40 people at my location. My bosses are pretty cool and I know they are ok with the whole breast pump thing. When I started about two years ago, another one of my coworkers used one of our small meeting rooms to pump. My new coworker however goes to the bathroom to pump.
I hope I don’t offend anyone and I know not everyone has the luxury of having a private room, but the bathroom is not a sanitary place to pump. She can’t be comfortable doing that. With the Pope announcing it’s ok for mothers to breastfeed in the Sistine Chapel and the radio conversation I listened to this morning got me to thinking; she probably doesn’t know her rights and she probably didn’t ask to use one of the rooms either. This is just me assuming so I could be wrong, but it just doesn’t make any sense to me since I know my work environment. I have not gotten the opportunity to pull her aside to discuss it, but I’m waiting for my chance. I will just casually bring it up in conversation and ask if she requested to use one of the rooms. I really hope she says she didn’t ask because that will be an issue. Yes I will say something on her behalf because that is just the person I am. My bosses know I have no problem speaking my mind. They are use to it by now.
I have breastfeed in the mall, various restaurants, Target and even outside on a park bench. When my baby was hungry he was hungry and I wasn’t going to starve him. Granite I wasn’t one of those moms that just pulled her boob out in public so to each his own; I had my wonderful hooter hider that I paid 30 bucks for. I wish someone would have said something to me. I would have nicely called them a nosey pervert and told them to get the hell out of my face. You wouldn’t know what I was doing under my hooter hider, which looked like a blanket, unless you were being nosey.
Know your rights breastfeeding moms because there are federal laws in place to help allow pumping in the work place and breastfeeding in public. If you don’t know your rights please visit www.usbreastfeeding.org because breast is best.
We live in a society that puts everyone into categories. If you do not confirm to what society considers being the norm or the popular crowd when you are a kid, you are labeled weird or considered an outcast. Right now my son is obsessed with watching “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” and it starts off with the main character Flint Lockwood being bullied as a child for being a “Science Nerd.” After being teased during his failed show and tell experiment, Flint runs home crying where his mother gives him a pep talk. She basically tells him to stay true to himself and not give up on his dreams; one day the world will also see just how special he is because she knows he will do great things.
Although I have watched this encouraging scene like a million times, since my son has a habit of watching the same movie over and over again until he has no more interest, it wasn’t until recently I started to really think about it. Will my little one fit in? Will he be considered a cool kid or will he take a different path? No one wants their child to feel like an outcast because it just makes things harder growing up. One thing I do know for sure is I will encourage my son, just like Flint’s mother, to be himself no matter what. I will encourage him to follow the beat of his own drum and not pay attention to the haters. He will know that the only opinion he should truly value is that of his own. I don’t care if he is straight, gay, a super star athlete or a math/science nerd; he will know he is loved by many. I will teach him to stand up for himself even when he is scared; otherwise he will be a target for constant negativity.
My little one is still a toddler so I have no idea if he will fit in or not. All I want is for him to grow and be happy. I have already started installing the above in him so as long as he remembers those things and stays on a positive path, I know he will be ok.
Play Dough is an all-time favorite of most children growing up. It’s squishy, moldable, and comes in every color imaginable. There was nothing I couldn’t make out of Play Dough when I put my imagination to the test. This fun loving past time can bring out the creative genius in just about anyone really. And I’m sure you tasted it just like I did at least once. Salty isn’t it or from what I can remember.
So why do I hate playing with Play Dough with my little one? It’s not because it can get stuck in the carpet or it dries up when he leaves the containers unopened; it’s simply because I hate when he mixes the colors together. I know it sounds silly, but it drives me crazy. So in an effort to not step on his creative genius I just have to close my eyes and let him play with his Play Dough the way he wants. I mean it is his Play Dough after all.
I am sure I use to drive my brother and cousins crazy when we were children and I can’t be the only one that has this issue with Play Dough. Good thing the stuff is relatively inexpensive so I can just buy more when they get too bad or make some as a fun activity.
This is just my little mommy confession.
Does your toddler only know you as mommy or daddy? I can honestly say that by the age of two my toddler knew his first, middle and last name. It was pretty easy to teach it to him because I made it into a song. This past summer it occurred to me how important it was for my little one to know the legal names of myself and his father and not just mommy and daddy. I know he knew his father’s first name because sometimes he would call him by it instead of saying daddy which is always funny. I guess that’s my fault from me trying to get his father’s attention when I’m in the other room. He normally chimes in and starts yelling his father’s name also. One day I asked my little one what my real name was and he couldn’t tell me. He only knew to call me mommy. At that point I started teaching him our full legal names as well.
It is much easier for him to remember his father’s name because their names are very similar as my little genius pointed out. Although his father and I are not married, we are together so he has his father’s last name. We plan on getting married one day so I thought it was best. My little one always has to think about my name since the last name is different, but at the age of three he knows his parents’ full government names. God forbid he ever gets lost, since I watch him like a hawk in public, but if he ever does he can at least tell the police who he is and who we are. I really hope him getting lost never happens.
How old was your child when he or she knew your legal name?
Ok so do you feel like you have let yourself go since becoming a parent. I do and I have been thinking about my appearance a lot lately. Me letting myself go was not intentional nor is it because I have become lazy; I just don’t have that much time to pamper myself like I use to. Thank God I do not have weight issues otherwise I would really be in trouble, however, I am not the slightest bit as fit as I use to be. If it wasn’t for being a naturally small person vertically and horizontally, I would probably be obese since I feel like I don’t have the time to work out. My coworker says I remind her of a “Polly Pocket.” I use to be the girl that wore make up every day and wore high heel shoes just to walk across campus for class. Now my closet is full of work clothes, every day flats and I’m pretty sure I only have like 5 pairs of jeans, which I don’t even really get to wear unless it’s the weekend. I feel like I only get to be my old self when I am on date night, getting together with friends or on vacation.
Now I often ask myself “Am I making excuses or is this really how most moms are?” I only have one child so I can only imagine how I would look if I had more than one. On top of being a mom and girlfriend, I work a fulltime job, cook, and clean while trying to build www.grademydaycare.com. I’m not a single parent, but he does work more hours a week than I do so I find myself doing more of the domestic work except laundry. I hate doing laundry with a passion; it’s more so the folding and putting away more than anything. I know I have a lot on my plate already and my kid hasn’t even started extracurricular activities yet, but I am trying to fit in becoming a youth mentor. One day soon I am going to be in a position where I am the master of my own time, but that is another topic for discussion. So until then, I am going to try harder to put more effort into my looks. I will keep you posted on how this turns out.